And that's pretty much the plot of the Modern Warfare series, See you next week! When we'll talk about...
...What?
...What do you mean that's not enough for an article? Oh alright, i guess it's not a real Unplugged Controllers article unless you see me suffer and rage all the way through the ASSBLOWINGLY BAD plot of the series, welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare games.
The MW games have always been a little... lackluster when it comes to narrative, just like Michael Bay, telling a story is not their strongest point (HINT: it's explosions), which fortunately for us means that i get to use our new invention: The Unplugged Controllers "BECAUSE WHY THE F*CK NOT" Seal Of Approval, specifically designed to deal with such Clichéd, absurd and illogical Plots.
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| Look for it after every Facepalm-worthy Plot detail, satisfaction guaranteed. |
As always, we'll be going through the rules before diving into the games. Based only on what little I've played of the games, and on what I've heard from other people, I'll try to explain as best as i can the entire plot of the series, the rules are:
- I cant play any of the games from the series while writing this article (Even if taking a bathroom break would probably take more time than playing through the entire campaign... and be less full of Sh*t).
- I can only use the Internet to research names of characters and locations, not plot details.
Once again, this is MY version of the story, which means I'll probably get A LOT of things wrong (AWESOMELY WRONG!... still, wrong). So, without further ado, let's shoot straight for the plot, this is An Unplugged Look At: Call of Duty - Modern Warfare.
2011, we take the role of sergeant John "Soap" Mactavish, the newest recruit of the Special Air Service (or S.A.S) we follow him as he arrives at their headquarters for an examination to see if he's good enough for the unit. We are welcomed by Captain John Price who, as the first part of our Super-soldier exam, promptly asks us to Stab a Watermelon with our Knife
And then run an obstacle course, Soap passes the test and they leave to track a ship supposed to be carrying Nuclear weapons.
And then run an obstacle course, Soap passes the test and they leave to track a ship supposed to be carrying Nuclear weapons.
They arrive and find the shipping manifest for the weapons, and discover they were bought by Khaled Al-Asad, a dangerous warlord who is starting a revolution in the middle east, they manage to escape before the ship sinks into the ocean.
Meeeeeeanwhile, in the other side of the world (Get used to this happening) a group of American soldiers arrive at DOESITEVENMATTER?-istan , as part of a full-fledged invasion, looking for Al-Asad, they track him down to a TV station, but find only a looping transmission and recording equipment which Sergeant Griggs, the Black member of the team, immediately uses to play Rap music.
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| Did he also have to Stab a Watermelon? Because... you know... |
They continue with the invasion of INSERTARABNAMEHERE-istan when they discover Al-Asad is about to detonate a nuclear bomb in the city to wipe out the Americans, they try to rescue the crew of a downed helicopter before the bomb goes off but are unable to escape the blast, what follows is what many consider to be some of the most powerful imagery and atmosphere experienced in video games, and, honestly, i agree.
Meeeeeeanwhile, the S.A.S unit rescues a Russian informant called Nikolai (if by the end of this franchise i don't see a Vladimir, a Yuri AND a Boris, I'll be disappointed) who leads them to Al-Asad, they interrogate him using the professional method of GUN-TO-THE-FACE and discover the one behind everything is Imran Zakhaev, an ex-weapons dealer now leader of the Russian Ultranationalist party, and the only man with facial hair powerful enough to pose a threat to Captain Price.
They track down Zakhaev and manage capture his son, who manages to escape by shooting himself in the head, enraged by his son's death Zakhaev launches two nuclear missiles aimed at America, but Price and Soap (surprisingly, the nicknames will get worse later on) manage to stop them and then finally kill Zakhaev.
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| Seriously, those are the real Weapons of Mass Destruction. |
They track down Zakhaev and manage capture his son, who manages to escape by shooting himself in the head
, enraged by his son's death Zakhaev launches two nuclear missiles aimed at America, but Price and Soap (surprisingly, the nicknames will get worse later on) manage to stop them and then finally kill Zakhaev.
The year is 2016, we take the role of Sgt. Gary "Roach" Sanderson (Told you they'd get worse), as he and Soap infiltrate a Russian Air base to retrieve a D3US-X-M4China Module from a satellite, and by infiltrate i mean shoot their way through an entire battalion, blow up some jets as a "Distraction" and then escape in a Snowmobile being chased by helicopters ending with them jumping over a giant chasm... because apparently this is now a James Bond Video Game.
Meeeeeeanwhile, an American agent called Joseph Allen infiltrates the terrorist cell of Vladimir Makarov (2 out of 4, come on game) and joins them as they infiltrate an airport and SHOOT EVERYONE in it, before escaping, Makarov shoots Allen and reveals he knew he was an American all along, leaving the corpse to make people think it was the Americans who did this, as a response the Russian president orders an Total invasion of the United States.
Fortunately for the Russians, the D3US-X-M4China Module Roach and Soap retrieved was modified and it overrides the defense system of the Americans, leaving the doors open for the Russian forces, who then proceed to literally walk all over the United States taking over the most important cities.
Meeeeeeanwhile, in Brazil, Roach's team tracks down a weapons dealer in order to get information about Makarov, he tells them that Makarov's greatest enemy is trapped in a Russian Gulag, they infiltrate the prison, following the Call of Duty BLOW EVERYTHING UP Infiltration protocol and the SHOOT EVERY MOTHERF*CKER IN SIGHT Directive, and discover it was Captain Price the one they were looking for, he agrees to help them take down Makarov because he's got nothing better to do, and also.
Price decides to first help stop the Russian invasion by shooting a nuclear missile towards the United States to detonate it in the upper atmosphere and release an Electromagnetic Pulse (Also known as EMP or DEUS EX-F*CKING MACHINA), this disables most of the invading forces electronics but also destroys the International Space Station. It's just like the Nuclear blast scene from the first game, but in SPAAAAAAAAACE...
...And also, not as good as the first one. Anyways, the American army manages to take back Washington thanks to the help from Captain Price, who, in the meantime, manages to discover two locations where Makarov might possibly be hiding. They separate in two groups, one of the two finding a Hard-drive containing all of Makarov's information, they manage to escape with it and deliver it to General Shepherd, who is in command of the American forces, only to be shot and killed by him.
Apparently 5 years ago Shepherd was the one in charge of the invasion of GETOVERIT-istan when the Nuke exploded, the loss of his men made him change his views on the world and believe America needed to release it's full military might, to accomplish this he orchestrated the events that led to Russia's invasion so they'll give him full control of the army, all of this. Soap and Price manage to escape and track down Shepherd, killing him and becoming internationally wanted criminals.
...Do i really need to do this one?... You know it's gonna suck... Besides, nothing really happens in this freaking game! Don't believe me? Watch!
American troops take their country back, the Russian president signs an order to stop the invasion and then apologizes (Probably with some flowers and a box of chocolates because, you know, it was kind of a big F*cking deal), Soap dies, gets replaced by a guy named Yuri (3 out of 4, don't disappoint me now game), he and Price find Makarov, Makarov kills Yuri, Price kills Makarov and everybody lives happily ever after... Except for the poor bastard who bought this game for the campaign... oh, and also, the Eiffel tower was destroyed.
And that's it... no, seriously, Price kills Makarov, that's the epic conclusion they built up to after 3 entire games, although, i have to admit, it was a Badass ending... just a little though.
-THE END (And we never got to see any "Boris", i am disappointed, this is the last time i play Russian-Villain-Names Bingo).
And there you go, the Unplugged Plot of the Modern Warfare series, confusing, illogical and at times just downright silly.... buuuuuut I'd be lying if i said i didn't have fun playing through it.
The thing is, as ridiculous as the story gets, it makes for really fun missions, mainly because of how ridiculous they are, yes, the plot sucks like no plot has sucked before, but it is an enjoyable and fun ride, maybe we wont remember the dialogue or the plot details, but we sure as hell wont forget that time we shot down a helicopter mid-air while falling down a waterfall.
So, i hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next time, when we'll take a look at the SHOCKING plot of the Infamous Games (With Puns like that, who needs an entire article?), see you then.
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| Subtlety? in a Call of Duty game? get out of here you Hippie! |
Meeeeeeanwhile, an American agent called Joseph Allen infiltrates the terrorist cell of Vladimir Makarov (2 out of 4, come on game) and joins them as they infiltrate an airport and SHOOT EVERYONE in it, before escaping, Makarov shoots Allen and reveals he knew he was an American all along, leaving the corpse to make people think it was the Americans who did this, as a response the Russian president orders an Total invasion of the United States
. 
Fortunately for the Russians, the D3US-X-M4China Module Roach and Soap retrieved was modified and it overrides the defense system of the Americans, leaving the doors open for the Russian forces, who then proceed to literally walk all over the United States taking over the most important cities.
Meeeeeeanwhile, in Brazil, Roach's team tracks down a weapons dealer in order to get information about Makarov, he tells them that Makarov's greatest enemy is trapped in a Russian Gulag, they infiltrate the prison, following the Call of Duty BLOW EVERYTHING UP Infiltration protocol and the SHOOT EVERY MOTHERF*CKER IN SIGHT Directive, and discover it was Captain Price the one they were looking for, he agrees to help them take down Makarov because he's got nothing better to do, and also
. Price decides to first help stop the Russian invasion by shooting a nuclear missile towards the United States to detonate it in the upper atmosphere and release an Electromagnetic Pulse (Also known as EMP or DEUS EX-F*CKING MACHINA), this disables most of the invading forces electronics but also destroys the International Space Station. It's just like the Nuclear blast scene from the first game, but in SPAAAAAAAAACE...
...And also, not as good as the first one. Anyways, the American army manages to take back Washington thanks to the help from Captain Price, who, in the meantime, manages to discover two locations where Makarov might possibly be hiding. They separate in two groups, one of the two finding a Hard-drive containing all of Makarov's information, they manage to escape with it and deliver it to General Shepherd, who is in command of the American forces, only to be shot and killed by him.
Apparently 5 years ago Shepherd was the one in charge of the invasion of GETOVERIT-istan when the Nuke exploded, the loss of his men made him change his views on the world and believe America needed to release it's full military might, to accomplish this he orchestrated the events that led to Russia's invasion so they'll give him full control of the army, all of this
. Soap and Price manage to escape and track down Shepherd, killing him and becoming internationally wanted criminals.
...Do i really need to do this one?... You know it's gonna suck... Besides, nothing really happens in this freaking game! Don't believe me? Watch!
American troops take their country back, the Russian president signs an order to stop the invasion and then apologizes (Probably with some flowers and a box of chocolates because, you know, it was kind of a big F*cking deal), Soap dies, gets replaced by a guy named Yuri (3 out of 4, don't disappoint me now game), he and Price find Makarov, Makarov kills Yuri, Price kills Makarov and everybody lives happily ever after... Except for the poor bastard who bought this game for the campaign... oh, and also, the Eiffel tower was destroyed
.And that's it... no, seriously, Price kills Makarov, that's the epic conclusion they built up to after 3 entire games, although, i have to admit, it was a Badass ending... just a little though.
-THE END (And we never got to see any "Boris", i am disappointed, this is the last time i play Russian-Villain-Names Bingo).
And there you go, the Unplugged Plot of the Modern Warfare series, confusing, illogical and at times just downright silly.... buuuuuut I'd be lying if i said i didn't have fun playing through it.
The thing is, as ridiculous as the story gets, it makes for really fun missions, mainly because of how ridiculous they are, yes, the plot sucks like no plot has sucked before, but it is an enjoyable and fun ride, maybe we wont remember the dialogue or the plot details, but we sure as hell wont forget that time we shot down a helicopter mid-air while falling down a waterfall.
So, i hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next time, when we'll take a look at the SHOCKING plot of the Infamous Games (With Puns like that, who needs an entire article?), see you then.
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| Giant Mutants, Time traveling, Electric Piss and the True COLORS of humanity (Believe me, that joke will make sense then... but it will still suck) next time on Unplugged Controllers. |