THE SCENARIO:
The door opens, complete silence fills the room, a lone man stands in the middle, he turns around at the sound of the door opening to see Commander Daniel Shepard, he says:
-"So, it seems you are as capable as they say, those 100 soldiers you defeated on the way here were the best men our organization had."
As he speaks, his hand starts reaching for the sword on his back...
-"Still, they were just soldiers, unlike me and you Commander, we are not like them, we are stronger, faster, smarter..."
Grasping the sword, he slowly starts unsheathing it, the sound of the blade grazing against the scabbard is getting stronger...
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| Because nothing says "intergalactic warfare" and "advanced alien technology" like a FREAKING KATANA. |
-"We are superior in every sense Commander, we... are GODS!"
!!KABOOM!!
-"OW! IS THAT A ROCKET LAUNCHER?!?!"
!!KABOOM!! !!KABOOM!!
-"OW! STOP IT! OW! WHAT ABOUT OUR EPIC FINAL SHOWDOWN?!?!"
!!KABOOM!! !!KABOOM!! !!KABOOM!!
...Silence, the smoke starts clearing up, nothing left in the room but a dead body and a broken sword, Commander Daniel Shepard drops the now useless launcher, having spent every rocket he had, he takes a few steps forward and, while looking down on his enemy's body, he says:
-"F*CK YOU!"
You press start, the pause menu fills the screen while the commander is frozen in time in the background, you let go of the controller because your hands are tired, a voice behind you says:
-"Really dude? six rockets, SIX! for just one guy?" says your friend on the couch...
-"Hey, that 'guy' made me restart the whole damn level 5 times!"
-"Whatever dude, good luck fighting the Giant-Space-Jungle-Spider Tank without rockets"
He then starts laughing as he stands up, you know he is right, but you had to do it, that freaking cyborg ninja was a pain in the ass, he deserved it. Sure, you were supposed to fight him using strategy, skill, and superior tactics, but you had no patience left, not after the first 5 times, and you'll gladly pay 2'000'000$ for a new rocket launcher, it was worth it.
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| Pictured: Giant-Space-Jungle-Spider Tank. |
THE GAMING MOMENT:
Using that single-use-mega-powerful-and-invaluable Attack/Resource against something or someone who probably isn't worth it. That moment when the enemy tests the limits of our patience and gets an "Arcane Beam Of Mega Death (66% more death than the usual 'Beam of death')" to the face.
Now, the usual "F*CK YOU" Missile is made up of two things, a Missile and a "F*CK YOU", a classic example of a Missile can be found in the Resident Evil franchise, more specifically in RE4; throughout the game you are able to buy different kinds of weapons, ranging from handguns to semi-automatic shotguns, and when you buy one, ammunition for it will appear in the game, this applies to all of them except for one, the Rocket launcher or RPG.
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| 85% explosive components, 15% REALLY explosive components. |
The RPG (Ruchnoy Protivotankovyy Granatomyot, Rough translation: Big Boom Boom Stick) works quite differently than the other weapons in the game, it cannot be upgraded, holds only one shot, you cannot find ammunition for it and you can only carry ONE... it also turns everything into little fleshy Lego pieces; it has the power to kill every enemy in the game with one shot, has a big area of effect and can even destroy Bosses in one hit, but it costs 30,000 pesetas, which is an ASSBLOWINGLY high price.
That's a very specific example, but it serves to illustrate the usual characteristics of a "F*CK YOU" Missile:
- Very limited usage
- Difficult acquisition
- Loud
- Shiny visual effects
- Destructive nature
- Big enough for you to question how realistic the inventory system is (looking at you Half-Life)
Now that we have the Missile we just need the "F*CK YOU" which is the surprisingly easy part of the process, we just need someone or something to p*ss us off. Think about it, mini-bosses, stealth based sections, weakpoint-based bosses, our patience has a limit, and when that limit is reached there is nothing, i mean NOTHING, that can save our enemies, i don't care if i need the minigun for the flying robot in the next stage, that grenade spamming basic enemy soldier without a name or recognizable face IS going down, and god darn it I'll use minigun bullets... all of them.
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| I couldn't find a bullet with your name on it... SO I BROUGHT ONE FOR EVERY DAMN LETTER TO SPELL IT OUT! |
So, we mix an overpowered weapon with senseless rage and what do we get? a "F*CK YOU" Missile. Get angry, get a big weapon and go medieval on their asses, that's the moment, and believe it or not, it represents a great aspect of gaming. The fact that we can reach that level of frustration is not good in itself, but it does imply a high level of immersion, which is good, and the fact there is a possibility for us to just let it all out INSIDE the game shows how thoughtful game developers can be (Unless they happen to be designing the inventory system for Resident Evil 5, which was made with tears and agony).
In the end, "F*CK YOU" Missiles are just a way for us to vent some steam WITHOUT breaking the immersion, we don't need external means because the game is giving us the tools to recover our own sanity, which makes the universe of the game more organic and the experience more enjoyable, its more effective when its not only the players expressing their emotions but also the player character's, that emotional bond that exists between the person and the avatar becomes stronger every time we waste valuable military resources by taking out a lone (And annoying) Sniper with an Orbital laser strike.
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| Orbital lasers: 350.000% more effective than bullets. |
It works, all the time, so, next time you see your teammates taking all the tanks for a ride into the mountains, which will probably result with your base being taken by the enemy, remember that there's a lone sniper somewhere in those mountains who is going to get bombarded with enough tank shells to turn his ashes into more ashes, and he probably deserves it. I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next week, when we'll talk about online multiplayer, competitive gaming and the disturbing absence of Kevin Bacon in Video games, good night.
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| ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: use a picture of Kevin Bacon. |