Okay, lets get this out of the way right now, i LOVE Role playing in video games, giving my character a story and a personality is one of the things i enjoy the most in games, which is why titles like Fallout 3 and Skyrim have stolen so many hours of my life, but the thing with Role playing is, there are sacrifices to be made, sure, the story is way more enjoyable when your character has a reason to do what he is doing, when you can say "Yep, this is what Commander Daniel Shepard would do!" while he bounces on a pogo stick with C4 strapped to his body, that's when you really get to enjoy the experience, but it also means that when a great opportunity presents itself, your character might not take it, be it because of his moral standards, or his tragic past, Commander Daniel Shepard might not shoot his enemy, even if it would make his life a lot easier, case and point, The Arcane Dinnerware Wizard.
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| "Dude, trust me, my character would totally do that because of.....uh...backstory?" |
Back in Skyrim i once tried playing a Mage-type character, he was a master of the elements, raining down fireballs on his enemies while their frozen bodies could do nothing but stare into their impending doom, but here's the thing, this mage was a really nice guy, he would often go and buy watermelons to feed the hungry beggars in town (still, this was Skyrim so, those watermelons just awkwardly stood there stacked top of a beggar's head until the end of times), he would drop whatever he was doing to help the ones in need, he was the kind of guy you'd want to team up with for an adventure as long as friendly fire wasn't activated.
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| "Sure I'll watch your back Warrior, hell, I'll even keep it warm" |
Problem is, Spell books in Skyrim are, for lack of a better word, ASSBLOWINGLY EXPENSIVE, and as such he would often find himself without a single gold coin. Now, for a lot of players this wouldn't be a problem, they'd just break into a house and grab anything worth more than 100 gold pieces, but for me this wasn't an option, my mage might be a greedy narcissistic racist S.O.B, but he ain't no thief.
And here is where the Dinnerware came into play, you see, when people "respect" you in Skyrim, they often give you permission to take anything you need from their homes, this usually means that objects like food or potions change from the classic "Steal" to a more ambiguous "Take", but the fun part is that other less relevant objects also go through this change.
And so there i was sitting down on a dining table in Dragonsreach, thinking about how hard it was to be an honest mage, and how many of my organs I'd need to sell in order to buy a Spell book of Chain lightning, when i noticed the plates and cups sitting at the table, looking at me, judging me (don't act like I'm crazy, you know those flowery ceramic plates are assh*les) and it was then when i noticed the white "Take" sign on the plate "huh, that's interesting" i thought while looking at it's price tag of 3 gold pieces. Any other day i would have just kicked that plate across the hall into the jarl's face, but i was as penniless as an ice cream shop in winterhold (hey, i don't write the jokes... well, actually i do, but that's besides the point), and so i just took it... and then i took the tankard next to it, and the jug behind it, and then i had an epiphany "i can get rich with this" then i laughed at how incredibly stupid that thought was, "Okay, maybe not rich, but i can get a new pair of pants with this!".
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| Pictured: a new pair of pants |
A couple of very productive hours later, with the sun falling behind the hills I found myself at the counter of the main shop in whiterun, staring at the dead eyes of the shopkeeper, spamming the X button to sell everything while my inventory read:
- 34 Jugs
- 52 Plates
- 13 Vases
- 40 Cups
- 3 Brooms
- 1 Apple
- 0 F*cks Given
Some minutes later my inventory was as clean as my conscience, and my gold had increased by 1.340 pieces, "perfect, I'm only 45.382 gold away from my next spell", and so, with a smile on my face, the confused looked of the shopkeeper on my back, and the biggest Burlap sack you've ever seen on my hand i embarked on a quest to rid the world of all Dinnerware and, one day, be able to afford a new pair of shoes.
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| "Sure, dragons are though, but dirty plates? THAT'S were the real adventure is!" |
And that's pretty much it, funny thing is, this isn't a warning against heavy Role playing, in fact, if anything, i encourage you to try it every chance you get; as i stated before i LOVE Role playing in video games, mainly because of moments like this one, annoying as they might be they are unique, and hold a special meaning in the story of every character, I'll usually forget about that time i cleared a bandit camp, because i do that with every character, but moments like this stay forever, they make each story unique.
And that's the story of The Arcane Dinnerware Wizard, a story more about my obsession with Role playing and the infinitely exploitable mechanics of Skyrim than about actual wizardry, i hope you enjoyed.
And that's the story of The Arcane Dinnerware Wizard, a story more about my obsession with Role playing and the infinitely exploitable mechanics of Skyrim than about actual wizardry, i hope you enjoyed.